ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
