Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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