I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
