Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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