is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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