everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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