Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
