Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
