I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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