Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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