she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
