I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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