I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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