i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
