I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
