I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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