My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
