highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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