I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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