Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize