Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
