just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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