hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
