You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
