well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
