he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I deserve this hangover.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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