No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Randomize
