You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize