I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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