period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
