I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You made out with two different species that night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
