Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
