there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
