were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
