I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
