New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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