I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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