Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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