Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
