You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
