my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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