apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
