i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
