i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
