you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
