I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
