it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
