don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
