the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
