I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A bitchslap is in order.
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