i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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