I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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