She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
