Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
