i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
