you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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