Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
