So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
