Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
