my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
