I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
