My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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