shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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