I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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