Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
