you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
