clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
MIDGETS
????
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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