I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
