so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
