I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
