Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
