Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
