ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
