so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
