I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
