Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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