i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
