Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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