I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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